Air Mcnair - Hand Him the Heisman - Gone

Steve Mcnair was killed this weekend. He was found "lounging" on a couch in a rented condominium with 4 gunshot wounds. (2 to the head, 2 elsewhere) Lying on the floor in front of him was his assumed girlfriend with one shot to the head and a handgun laying by her lifeless body.

It was the 4th of July when I got this news. I was in the yard bbq'ing most of the afternoon. I returned inside for a moment to check my phone and I had several missed texts/calls. The first text was from my boy Marq. It asked me had I heard about what happened to Steve. I replied no, and he cut and pasted a blurb from the internet in the resulting text message. I was in disbelief, so I read the rest of my texts. They had the same grisly information in them. I was appalled.

I told my girl about the situation and she looked at me in disbelief. Almost immediately, she got on her laptop to get confirmation and changed the channel to a news source. She said "It's Five.. they must have an update..."

I was resigned to the fact that he was gone. The people who texted me do not normally forward me with nonsense.

I felt tears coming to my eye. I did not understand. Why would someone do this. Mind you I did not know all of the details of the first paragraph by then. I had no clue if he was in a car, on the street, at home, etc. All I knew was that Steve and a unidentified female were found dead. Wow.

I wondered was the female his wife? Was robbery a motive? Did he have some dirty dealings which followed him? Was he with another woman? Did the wife have something to do with it? Why would anyone want to hurt Steve? Seriously.

After these thoughts rushed to my head, I exclaimed. "This is worse than MJ passing." I felt I knew Steve. I wasn't a friend of his, but through degrees of separation I knew him pretty well it seemed. I benefited from his generosity on numerous occasions. I alway felt he was a stand-up guy. He was not a flamboyant athlete. I never saw him in fur coats with gaudy jewelry. He was a good old country boy. A friend of mine used to say how she had a crush on him and his brother. She worked at McDonalds in the area that the Mcnairs grew up. He was just a regular old boy who wanted a burger. Another friend recounted how she used to serve Mcnair when she worked at Dairy Queen. The stories flowed on and on....

The honeymoon period for any dead celebrity is only a matter of hours. The negativity began to flow. I am not touching that. If you are not his family, his wife, his kids, then you do not KNOW what was going on with him. I refuse to speculate. I will mourn the dead however.

Steve, you may have not been my favorite person during your college years due to the team you played for, but... I always respected your prowess as an athlete. I enjoyed watching you play for the NFL. You proved them wrong. H.B.C.U. athletes do have what it takes. You don't need to be in a Bobby Bowden (Florida State)system to be successful in the league. Steve Spurrier was the man at Florida, but Cardel Jones prepped Mcnair for the big time.

I will pay homage to Steve by keeping the faith, and making sure that I maximize the time I have left. No one is guaranteed tomorrow, let's live for today.

Weekend Wrap-up/ Randoms

I have been looking forward to this weekend for some time now. This weekend marks my first week returning to the gym after a long layoff. I sufficiently wore myself out this past week and look forward to doing it again tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

I still can not believe that people are so prone to gossip about things that do not make a bit of difference in this world. I will just put it out there. I am tired of my name coming up in various conversations about who I am seeing, and what I am doing, and why this and why that. My personal opinion is that those (I mean you men folk) who feel that the only gateway to a woman is namedropping me, have NO GAME. I said game because most people do not have the conversation skills in place to attract a suitable mate. I am not a good luck charm. There is no magic pixie dust in my left pocket. I can not make anyone like you who doesn't. If a woman does not answer your phone calls, do not call me to see if I can deliver a message to her. That is a no no.

I admit I probably made a few mistakes. (nothing critical) I may have talked to somebody I shouldn't have, but I can guarantee you that nothing I told this individual adds up to the garbage I am receiving in the street. I am just frustrated with people in general - REALLY FRUSTRATED.

I used to say it didn't make me any NAN bit of difference what people said. I didn't care but the same mess spreads to people I do care what they feel about the matter. I can not describe the pure discontent created when words surface. Ideas surface. My words don't matter. It is out there in the atmosphere. Folks just ain't saying stuff just to say it. There has to be some truth to it.

Hitler said the bigger the lie, the more believable it is. I can not agree more. If it does people heart good to KNOW I am this dirty rotten scoundrel, then I must be providing a service for the community. I know me. I know that in the end, I will be judged by an ultimate being more powerful than any self appointed judge. Who's heart is purer than mine?

Surreal Moment

I had a very insightful conversation last night. I am still thinking about it.

Where have you been hiding?

Is someone hiding when everyone knows where the person is? Perhaps. According to popular opinion, I have been hiding in the RL for some time now. Let's recount how people have come to this conclusion.

I stopped making myself available to people who had no real regard for my well being.

One thing I can not stand is being a scapegoat for anybody. I believe adults walk on their own two and also think using the brain they were provided with at birth. I do not need to be blamed for your shortcomings, and I certainly won't blame you for mine. I have been getting bad press lately. The company(ies) I was keeping did not behave themselves in the manner they ought. "Birds of a Feather Flock Together" was a stinging comment made to me. Usually I agree. Now let me take you somewhere else.

True enough birds of a feather flock together, but sometimes birds aspire to be more majestic than they really are. I know you have heard the expression "Fly like an Eagle"? Well in my circle of friends, I like to consider myself the eagle. I do not allow the normal day in day out crap of life to get under my skin. I do not succumb to fleshly temptations just for the sake of succumbing. I am no saint, but there are some things I DON'T DO...

There are other magnificent birds, but none of them fly as high as I do. For instance, I like to go out occasionally. I do that, but I leave "out there", out there. I do not co-mingle my worlds. That is how I can simply say no and focus on the things I deem more important.

In conclusion,I have not been hiding. I made a conscious decision to remove myself from an equation. You may see me again soon, but it will be my choice and ultimately my game plan.

I am still playing chess while you play checkers. The endgame is my goal. Checkmate.

Musings/ Self Absorbed...

Over the course of my life, I have heard a lot of things. Some good and some bad. I usually take these things in stride and do not really give them much weight. However... I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and we were going at it back and forth... teasing... kinda sorta/sorta kinda... obviously it wasn't teasing because what developed out of the conversation is partially the reason for the post. When I was done jaw jabbing, I told her "I love you too..." to which she replied "No, you don't, you are too self-absorbed..."

Lo and behold, the same words that came out of my mouth in my last relationship has slapped me right in the face! Wow! Where did this come from?

I conclude that there are many kinds of people in the world. I never considered myself a whiner. I pretty much tell whatever is on my mind. Yes, a lot of what's on my mind are things "in my world" (thanks T for breaking it down) I don't feel about worrying about "my world" has an adverse effect on my relationships with people if these same people are "within my world"... Maybe what is perceived as self absorbency is really caring about things/people, that I really should not.

Contrary to popular belief, my emotions do not cut on and off like a faucet. There is a slippery slope when it comes to me and mine. If I am for you, I am for you one hundred percent. If I ain't... I am not even gonna fake the funk with you. I will just let you know and you can deal. I mean, you can't salvage it... If I have a bad vibe about someone, it is for a good reason. Subconsiously I might not call the person as much, email, text, or contact the person with the same frequency I did in the past. It happens. I look at my history all the time on my phone. On a good week I may talk to 3 or 4 people. Some weeks I talk to 1. (just don't want to be bothered weeks)

My self-examination has left me exhausted to a degree. "I just want to be successful" at cultivating lifelong relationships and not going down the path of having friends for a season. It is too much work to start over.

Maybe that is a little selfish.

Microsoft Stops Paying For Employees' iPhones

pinkmotown: Hahahaha! - Microsoft Stops Paying For Employees' iPhones

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Mini Vacay

I am almost done with the school year. In the words of Marvin Sapp, "I Never Would Have Made It". There were times when I just didn't think that it would all come to an end. There were major problems springing up all over the place. It is hard to have your head on straight when your whole world is crashing down around you. The way I see it, I have six in one hand and half a dozen in another. Life itself is sometimes too stressful for me. I work in a stress-filled environment, but I deflect most of it. I think about what is really important to me. (the number is getting smaller all the time) After I check off with each item that would mean something to me, nothing else seems to matter. I call this post Mini Vacay, because it is a three day weekend. I will be back on the grind Tuesday.